I was reading this article today and was amazed that the article leaves out any apparent motive.  It’s as if it is totally normal that a successful director kills himself.  Then again, it really doesn’t surprise me when people kill themselves – and it isn’t because they are depressed or something, it’s just because they can’t endure it anymore – and why should they endure it anyway?

Well, the idea – or hope, is that if you endure it there will be some “reward.”  You know, like life will get better or something…

Now, once you are of a certain age, there is no potential “reward” for said endurance.  So why suffer for nothing?

I think this is where Tony Scott was.

I was taking the B train to Brooklyn today to see a dentist and while enjoying some delicious Turkish chicken, I ruminated on the fact that I probably won’t live to see old age because I will probably also kill myself before I can get old.  Except instead of jumping off a stupid bridge, I will just fall on my sword like Marc Anthony did in HBO’s “Rome.”

Is it because my life is so bad? No.  Is it because I am depressed? Not at all.  Sad?  Nope… I’m actually a relatively happy guy!  But I also realize that one day I too may be in the same position as Tony Scott, where I realize that everything I accomplished and all that I struggled for was for nothing – and now what?

To be honest, I feel that way now – only it is against my code of ethics to kill myself at such a young age.  I would have to wait until I was Tony Scott’s age to check out of this joke of a life.

It’s like if you were playing a game on your Playstation and suddenly you discovered that it was rigged and you could never win playing it, would you keep playing?  Of course not!  You would turn it off and go for a walk.  While walking, you would hope to run into the creator of the game, so as to have the chance to punch his lights out.

So why would you not take the same approach to life?

“Plato, are you saying that life is rigged?”  Yes, that is what I am saying.  It’s only when you get older that you can see your life for what it was and is…

What you will see is that both yourself and everyone around you actually has very little free will and very few options, and that the vast majority of people are not equipped to be “successful” by any means of measurement.

But you “make do” with what you have, and there are certain moments where “free will” comes into play and critical choices have to be made – and the only way you will make the right choice is if you struggle on a daily basis to be strong…  so that your strength builds up over time… so that it will not fail you in those certain moments when those critical choices have to be made.

It’s a horrible realization to attain, and I think those that do realize it are probably always in their twilight years like Tony Scott was.

I have always been ahead for my age!  lol

Now don’t take this blog post as some sort of “suicide note” or misinterpret its’ meaning.  You should struggle and strive as hard as you can for what you most want in life and never give up.  But, there simply comes a time when the game is over no matter how optimistic you may be wired.  There also comes a time when you realize that real change – not superficial shit, is almost impossible to achieve and that you really had no fighting chance  to begin with.

These two views may seem to be in conflict, but I prefer the word “paradoxical.”

R.I.P. Tony Scott