Home > The sound of firetrucks does nothing to increase sperm production.

August 16th, 2011 Posted in Uncategorized

People in NYC are always stressed out, and one of the reasons for it is the constant racket made by cops, ambulance drivers – and firemen.  Ever since 9/11, NYC firefighters feel the most entitled to be assholes.  Like it wasn’t enough that they used their forced-entry equipment to rob the banks in the basement of the World Trade Center (look up the original NY Times story – if you can find it!), now they have to run their siren just because they feel they have earned the right not to have to wait in traffic.  Hey assholes, 9/11 happened like 10 years ago!  You guys aren’t heroes, you were doing your fucking job!  If you didn’t want to run into burning and collapsing buildings, you shouldn’t have signed up to be a fireman.  Seriously, when I was young I wanted to be a fireman because I loved the idea of playing in burning buildings.  It had nothing to do with heroism.  I always felt comfortable around fires.  Could have something to do with the fact I was in a bus fire as a child and nearly got killed.  What I have noticed is surviving traumatic incidents either makes you terrified of them or immune to them.  In my case, I am immune to fear of fire – and dogs, for that matter.

Anyway, after 9/11 suddenly firemen were opening up bars all over this city.  They had to launder that stolen cash somewhere, right?










Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t begrudge them all that stolen money.  Better they steal it then some fucking investment bankers who stole TRILLIONS.

But what really pisses me of is this running sirens all day when they are returning home from a false alarm, or going to the supermarket to buy spaghetti or some shit for their kitchen circle-jerks.  Like today I caught them doing it red-handed.  SO MUCH noise.  There was some bullshit false alarm and when it was time to go home they fired up the whole werks!  I can’t stand it.

Cops do the same shit.  Blasting their sirens on the way to doing next to nothing, traveling in giant caravans of 30 cars.

Cops are entertaining though: there is some squad of “special forces”  cops who run around with assault rifles to make it look like they’ve got New Yorker’s protected against terrorists.  What’s hysterical is all these cops are so fucking fat, they look ridiculous.  None of them seem at the ready with their tricked-out M4s in a feeble attempt to increase sperm production.  I saw one idiot with an HK SMG and he was day-dreaming staring at some office-whore’s legs.   Anyone could disarm him.  But what would you do with a worthless 9mm SMG?  These tools in kevlar helmets make their appearance periodically so if you are lucky you will see them milling about Times Square and Grand Central Station putting on a show for the tourists.

Ambulance drivers are actually okay and don’t run their sirens unless they have to – which is all the fucking time as the stresses of this city kill everyone sooner or later.  Survival trauma is our terrorist!



Plato Powers writes regularly about anything that involves men's sexual health and all the adventures that a homosapien male encounters in his everyday life.

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