So the other day I was walking down 7th Avenue and there was this crowd of imbeciles gathered around the entrance to some condo.  I didn’t know what was going on until I saw on the news that apparently Katie Holmes lives there now, and she is divorcing Tom Cruise.

Wow, what a surprise…

Before I begin thrashing peeps, let me state that I am a big fan of Tom Cruise.  I see all his movies, and I think he is a fantastic actor.   I am also inspired by the fact he looks like a 20-something when he is in his 50s.  Furthermore, when I was very young I looked like him (except I am a foot taller), and looking like him got me laid – a lot.  So I don’t want you to think I am one of these Tom-haterz because I am not.

With that being said, I must point out that I was a little disturbed by the transformation Katie Holmes underwent after hooking up with Tom.  Here is an image I created in a few minutes to drive my point home:

If I spent more then 3 minutes looking up pics to download and slapping them up like a bitch in Photoshop, I could produce something even more horrifying.  Tom Cruise literally destroyed Katie Holmes!  This girl didn’t just lose her looks in 5 years, but ALL THE LIFE was sucked out of her, leaving her a damaged shell of a human being.  She went from sweet, innocent and ultra-fuckable to some middle-aged house-frau whose pool boy lets her suck him off because he feels sorry for her and doesn’t have to put in any effort to get a nut.

This transformation can only be accomplished via some serious psychological abuse.  Katie Holmes looks like she fell victim to a psychic vampire.  I’m not saying Tom Cruise is the vampire.  Maybe he is, but it’s more probable that it is someone behind the scenes who has control over Tom as well.  Pretty much everybody you see who is famous, no matter how powerful they appear, took it up the ass to get there.  Literally.  Ever wonder why with so much talent out there, only a handful of rag-tags get all the work?  The only explanation is they bent over and paid their dues.  Just like John “I like it in my butt” Travolta allegedly stated to one of the masseuses he propositioned…

Yeah, I’m sure Katie Holmes totally regrets her decision to marry Tom Cruise.  So she gets some money out of the deal… so what?  Her looks are gone, her fire has been put out… it’s very sad.

But at least she got away from this horrible situation and got custody over her daughter.