Today is a disastrous day.  As if it wasn’t filled with enough stress and problems, this morning while half asleep I dropped my deodorant stick into my toilet while it was flushing and the fucker got stuck deep inside.  I tried plunging, I tried a professional plumber’s snake – no luck.  So I called the landlord but nobody is around because of yet another Jewish holiday.  So I called the emergency line but the guy who answers it cannot reach the plumber.  The weekend is approaching, and it looks like I’ll be pissing in the sink (little boys “pee”) and shitting in the laundry room bathroom.  Unless I can’t make in which case I will shit in my wastebasket and toss it down the trash chute.

So I’m overwhelmed on all sides and this was the final straw.  So let me talk about guns since I am about to go postal.  America loves guns.  It’s the land of the gun.  For fun, I love to head out to Frontsight in Nevada and go shooting.  Or else I head on over to my friend’s house in Vermont and shoot the .50 sniper rifle:

So sometimes people ask me: “What’s the best handgun to get?”  The answer is the one that is:

1.Most reliable

2.Most devastating without getting you in trouble with the law.

This leaves only two options:

1.Glock in .45 ACP

2.Smith & Wesson .357 magnum (8-shot)

The .45 and the .357 pack the most stopping power without some asswipe prosecutor claiming you used “excessive force” which is one of the most ridiculous arguments ever.  It’s like someone arguing that men don’t want better erections. If some fuck breaks into your house, you have a right to shoot to kill (in my common sense opinion) and so who cares if you used a .22 or a 10mm?  I cannot fathom why people enjoy all these gay calibers like .380, 9mm and .40 because I think they all suck.

But what to pick?  The Glock or the 8-shot magnum revolver?

I always recommend people take the revolver.  My pick of the 8-shot S&W variety would be the Night Guard:

“What?  A revolver?”  Yes!  Revolvers don’t malfunction.  I don’t care how reliable an automatic is, at some point (when you least need it to) you will get 1 of 3 types of malfunctions which you will need to clear.  Fuck that.  Revolvers never fail.  “But revolvers don’t carry enough rounds of ammunition!”  Look, if you can’t handle your “business” with 8 rounds of .357 magnum, you ain’t GOT no business!   Learn to shoot under pressure, and you can take down 8 attackers before you run out.

But for those of you who insists on using an automatic, the only choice is the Glock:

Glock simply makes the most reliable, idiot-proof guns there are.  Technically, the Caracal is more reliable then the Glock, but is costs a fortune and the only acceptable caliber it supports is the .357 SIG:

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