Take her home tonight: A how-to manual for rounding third.

When you go to a bar, chances are you're not there simply for the drinks. You may be having a great time with your buddies, or enjoying a cold one and watching football, but more than likely you and every other guy there are trying to get laid. Women have it easy. They sit comfortably on the barstool, sipping appletinis, and giving the yea or nay to any man bold enough to storm the castle. Obviously the deck is stacked against you. With all this competition, how can YOU present yourself as a viable mate? Have you ever wondered how an average-looking guy can take home a different woman every night and another regular joe can never seem to get laid? The game, like comedy, all comes down to delivery.

Throw out the pick-up line book. This isn't a movie and you're not a star. Women despise men who sidle up and spout a well-worn phrase or double entendre. For one, you're not being original. Instead, women say that a man who simply walks up, says hello and gives her his name is much more likely to recieve a warm response. Try to make them laugh. Whereas men consider physical attributes the most important feature of a mate, women hold a sense of humor in much higher regard. You don't have to be Jerry Seinfeld, but if you can make a woman laugh out loud, you have a much better chance to get laid. Originality is key.

Another thing women desire in the opposite sex is confidence. It hearkens back to their ancestral need to choose a mate who will protect her and her offspring. There is a fine line between arrogance and confidence, though. If you come off as a self-centered, egotistical jerk, you may still get laid, but not as likely as a man who exudes a cool, confident, unshaken temperament.

Once you've put on an outer show of confidence, you are ready to find yourself something nice, compact, and ready for use. Scour the bar area and see if you can find anybody who appears interested. There are plenty of ways to detect interest, and eye contact is obviously the first and foremost. When you and your potential mate lock eyes, make sure to hold the gaze for a solid three seconds. Any quicker than that shows meekness and an aversion to intercourse. Any longer may brand you as a creep. Smile at her when the two of you are sharing the gaze, and if she smiles back, you're in good standing. Don't take it as an immediate invitiation to walk over and start up a conversation, but gauge her a little bit. See if she keeps looking. This is a slim window of time and many a man has fallen here, in utter ruin.

If you do muster up the strength to approach her, you need to know what exactly to say. Icebreakers are yet another treacherous trail fraught with peril. It can be very difficult to come up with conversation immediately after the "Hi, I'm ..." introduction. You need to use outside stimuli as fodder for dialogue. Is there a sports game on? If so, is she wearing a team hat? You could say that you, too, are a fan of her team, or have a little fun and root for the other guys. Pick on her in a playful way. This can get the ball rolling pretty quickly, if you'll pardon the pun. Inquire on the drink sitting in front of her. Just don't ask her what her 'sign' is.

Now that you've got a decent conversation going, you must see if you actually have a shot with this woman. This is where body language comes into play. Are her legs crossed? This can take on alot of different interpretations. If they are crossed TOWARDS you, this indicates she is interested in you. If they are away from you, proceed with caution. Also take notice of her body movements. A person who is interested in another will subconsciously mimic the movements of that person. For instance, if you run your hand across your brow and she follows suit, you may as well pay the tab and take her home before you make any big mistakes.

Congratulations! You've succeeded in getting laid. Remember, looks will never carry you as far as a good personality and a sense of humor. Keep it safe, and have a blast!